by =kyan
Doc: I go with Casey (A 14 year old female werewolf)
DM: She's 14!
Aydin: You are NOT sleeping with the underage werewolf!
Doc: who said anything about sleeping?
Nix: since when did this become Yiff?
Aydin: It's beastiality AND paedophillia! you sick f**k!
.....
A little later
Doc: Did I get her number? *meaning the werewolf*
GM: She's FOURTEEN!

~*~

A party of adventurers find themselves in Baator... after a bit of wandering they encounter the river of blood...
Vladamir: Hmm... I wonder how deep that is...
*without warning, picks up the Gith and throws him in*
"Pansy": *SPLASH!*

~*~

Doc: We are in the middle of the enemy building, surrounded by large men with machine guns, attempting to stop the end of the world...
Neo: How is that not normal?

~*~

*Aydin describes his dream to two of his companions*

Neo: So... then what happened?
Aydin: I don't know... I woke up... maybe if I sleep again *looks unsure*
Neo: hmmm
Neko: *goes and gets a frying pan from the kitchen, raises it and is about to whack Aydin over the head*
Aydin: er... what're you planning on doing with that?
Neko: umm.... I was... er... gonna make some eggs... yeah...
Aydin: *stares at him for a moment suspiciously* alright... just... clean up afterwards....

by ~PoldalleLovesnare
Drogo: *trying to catch the attention of a group of tritons--not quite sure what they were--swimming near to the ship he is on* Well, scream to them.
Lidda: *promptly lets out a blood-curdling scream, making everyone slam their hands over their ears* What? *she asked innocently* You told me to scream.
Drogo: I meant in hail!

~*~

On the deck of a sailing ship, a band of tritons boarded to make sure that Lidda, the halfling rogue, was alright after letting out a wild scream. The ruckus caused made Naull, the human wizardess, use a rod of command to silence most the ship--and unfortunate to her plans, not a lot of the 'enemy'. Lidda stood dumbfounded.
Triton: Why did she scream?
Naull: *with a sigh* I don't know.
Mysterianna: She was told to.
Triton: Why doesn't she speak for herself?
Naull: I do believe she fell under the spell I cast, and is now 'stopping the foolishness'.
Mysterianna: Apparently, she has no will of her own.


by ~PoldalleLovesnare
Mialee, elf wizardess cast fireball to slay 12 drow, accidently also killing 60 out of 65 dwarves (sent on a mission to save the dwarves from the drow). Barendd, the dwarf of the party, blames Zanza, a drow druid the group just 'picked up'. After attacking Zanza, Barendd is locked in a cage, and Mialee yells at him, "I'm ...level...I have... *counts fingers* magic missiles....I can kill you!!!!"

~*~

Mialee: (to Barendd) OK, I admit it! I accidently killed the dwarves! I didn't think my fireball would be that big! It was me!
Barendd: How do I know the drow didn't do it?
Mialee: Look at him! He's a lowly soldier! He doesn't even know how to cast magic!! *turns to Zanza just in time to see the druid in the middle of casting 'good berries'*
Zanza: *offers as much of a shy smile as possible*

~*~

Pollade stalked after Darfein, the most notoriously quiet of the group, as he slunk down the halls. She tried not to laugh, though she was already making herself very obvious being in the upper underdark with a torch lit. Still, Darfein took a long while to notice someone was following him. Upon being found out, Pollade froze. Darfein inched back. (Both players suddenly failing spot checks). Darfein, blinded by the light, leaps forward to smash Pollade to the ground, gaping when he finds the giggling elf maiden under him.
Darfein: POLLADE?!
Pollade: *through spasmatic giggles* I'm not Pollade, I'm a talking sconce!

~*~

Elzan: *nods to other Calimier* All right, Xander went this way. Let's go. (player rolls wretched spot check) *Elzan runs facefirst into the wall, yelping in pain and rubbing his nose.*
Xander: *emerges from the passage and grins* Awe, did you hurt yourself? Do you need me to kiss you and make you all better?
Elzan: *stares daggers at the elf prince* If you touch me....I swear to the gods I'll hit you. I swear I will hit you.

~*~

Xander insults a very large monster that the group is yet to identify the species of. The beast looks like a bloated big blue catepillar-JabbaTheHut. Smiling large, toothy grin the beast offers Xander to eat some icky swamp moss and pond scum.
Elzan: *through grit teeth* Eat it Xander.
Xander: *equally grit teeth* I don't want to eat it.
Elzan: Eat it.....
Gork: *the half-orc barbarian shrugs and ducks down to grab a huge mouthful of pond scum, swamp moss, worms, and mud, letting it ooze out of his mouth as he tries to eat it*
Elzan: AGH!!!!!! Oh, GORK! Spit that out!!!

by ~PoldalleLovesnare
- Drogo, a male human fighter who fights with a Flametongue longsword & a ice-longsword just killed a hobgoblin by burning it to cinders after the hobgoblin tried to attack the group in a mugging/assassin attempt. "We...didn't want that one alive, did we?"

- A drunken band of adventurers. Hennet, the human sorcerer; Wannath, the wild elf cheiftan; and Aust, the high elf wizard come upon a group of hobgoblins trying to scale into the town over the wall for a raid.
Hennet: It works much better if you have a ladder!!!!

- Exchange between Pollade the high elf bard-ranger, and Darfein the drow rogue when being attacked by a camoflagued Yuan-ti.
Pollade: Use your magical fire!
Darfein: What?!
Pollade: You're magic fire! I can shoot something I can't see! The fire that outlines things!!!
Darfein: *after a moment of realization* I'm a DROW!!! *casts faerie fire*

- Pollade, discussing to group about possible routes to search for a missing member. Looking at the map, "Well, this distance over the mountains looks longer than the distance between Dwarven Cove and Chipperdale by sea. And that way we wouldn't have to go over the mountains and .....this is the water right?"

- Aust: (to hobgoblins) I'm going to shove this quarterstaff up your arse!
Hennet: *quirks brow and laughs* I will pay you money....money for women....if you can do that!
Aust: *wild grin* You got it! *player rolls d20 and gets '20', a critical; thus ramming the quarterstaff up the hobgoblin's arse*


by ~Emisia
- GM: You can see a person in long, red cloak...
Lanlayath(to his comrade): Azrael, could it be an ASSASIN?
Azrael: Well.. no.. They don't wear red...

- A certain character: I know this forest like my own pocket...
Another character: You must have a very big pocket...

- Inn Owner to the character: One night here costs 1 GP, but because I've got business to you, the first can be free...

- The dwarven slayer's comments to his team mate after finished fight:
"You cut him more or less from his ball to ceiling"

-The team back it there ice palace after the fight with zombie ice beasts:
MG:" Everyone acts somehow differently. Move like in the some kind of transe..."
Player Emi: "I'm checking everyone's pulse!"


by ~Emisia
- Berda's prays for his team mate, who get criticall hit from the Horror of Tzeentch:
"Oh, Great Lord Grimnir, please save this pour dwarf from the great dishonour and his soul from the eternal damnation and suffering. Make..."
Gamelord (the next level of Gamemaster ) definitelly bored: "Okay, okay, I understand what you mean, just roll this dice!"
I rolled and scorred 01! Exactly 01 on 100 die!
GL (honestly shocked): "You've just heard this words from your God!"
note: These words:"Okay, okay, I understand what you mean"

- Yoshee:" I'm checking, if there are some alive corpses"

- The dwarven slayer's comments to his team mate after finished fight: "You cut him more or less from his ball to ceiling"

- In the shop:
Berda:
"So how much is it?"
The assistant:
"It depands..."
"From what?"
"Well, actually it all costs 20 gold pieces, but... If you change clothes here, it'll be only 15..."

- A team on session (a short break from main plot):
1st person: Hello Frodo!
2nd person: My name is not Frodo, but Neo!
3th person: Then, Elrond turns to you and says: - Welcome, mister Anderson...


by ~SeantheAngryNecro
DM: Okay, as you turn the corner, a beholder catches you by suprise!
P1: Oh my god! Alright, I'll shoot the monster in the eye!
DM: Which eye
P2: You do know what a Beholder is, right?
P1:...yeah...no


by ~MadiSilk
- "This trap WON`T WORK!! Look- it`s too old to work!! I`ll show You.."
- "I don`t like either elves nor medics, but the combination of elve and medic is a perfect punchbag!"
- "Look at him - he`s got muscles like a sparrow! He can`t do any harm.."